SO as you all know Gary is out of town and last night I had to do everything myself... and I am not sure but it seems to me that every time Gary goes out of town my sister or the dogs or somebody seems to have some kind of intestinal problem... Well this time it was my sister. When I got back from Texas she was extremely constipated her stomach looked like she was due to have a baby any day now! That really pisses me off because before I left she was just fine... ANYWAY... last night from the time we got home until about 8:45 she was on the toilet... I would say she was relieving herself but I don't think she felt much relief... HOWEVER! She did manage to smear all that was coming out of her all over the toilet! She wears a diaper so when I took the diaper off it was smeared up her back and EVERYWHERE, she has diarrhea if you haven't figured that out... actually she has loose bowels and her stomach is still bloated... it looks painful and from the looks on her face I know it has to be... so anyway where was I... oh so I let her sit on the toilet thinking that maybe she would go and also because every time I tried to get her off her stomach would make this horrendous gurgling sound! You could actually hear shit rumbling in there literally... it was gross! Thank God we have two bathrooms... she finally gets to a point where I can get her up and clean her up... or so I thought... THEN I THOUGHT I will put her in the shower....not a good idea she shit in it... I was cleaning shit for HOURS last night... I think I smell some shit now... anyway.... when I let Daisy(our Black Lab) out of her kennel she took off running like a banshee running all around and she ran off.... I was just like oh here we go... (She runs off every time Gary leaves town). I tried to start the fire and it wouldn't catch, but at least I did figure out the gun liter thing... so since the fire wouldn't catch I had to keep opening the front and relighting it, which meant that each time I did SMOKE FILLED the room, can you say smoke alarm... I called Gary to yell at him and I asked him what he was doing he said, "I am eating chips and drinking a beer! What are you doing honey!" You know it was not pretty after that...
As the night progressed I let the dog in to get warm and Gary had suggested that I let her sleep in the bathroom so that would save me time in the morning from having to go all the way out to the kennel to let her out I could just let her out of the bathroom... anyway, I was sitting watching TV and my sister was walking around pacing like she usually does... I know this will shock some of you but... I farted... no let me say that again I FARTED so loud that Daisy, who had been sleeping by the fire, jumped up and ran to the door and started barking! I don't know what she thought it was but she jumped up and ran to the door and started barking! She was probably saying let me the hell out of here!!!!! SO I went outside to smoke right, you know I am not suppose to do that, I went to flick the fire off the cigarette and it landed on the deck and burned it! The deck is made of plastic and wood fibers or something so I shouldn't say it burned... it melted... I was outside at 10:00 at night trying to scrub and fix the deck... I put Daisy in the bathroom and I started hearing this banging... that stupid dog was in the bathroom trying to get the toilet lid up! I put her dumb ass outside... this meant I had to walk out in the DARK to put her away... every possible sound was magnified! I was looking over my shoulder running, tripped... whatever... I hate it when Gary goes out of town! Oh and get this my mom is coming home with me tonight! She is afraid of the dark...IT IS so dark out here you can't see your hand in front of your face...
Have a wonderful rest of the week and weekend... PEACE!
Cousin you are crazy i was lmao
ReplyDeleteTootie McToots! Rebecky still does drive by tooting!
ReplyDelete~Mandy