SO this is what I was thinking....

Today I went to the big 'city'...NOT! It is a small town but it is bigger than where I live. This attorney I know gave me some work to do, so I got it done... then I called Gary he told me he was in the city too, so I said ARE YOU TAKING ME TO LUNCH...he said NO! DAMN!

SO I went to my mom's house better known as the nuthouse and I was hungry obviously but I couldn't find anything to eat. NOW let me clarify this....my mom has LOTS of stuff to eat if you want to be a diabetic or go into a sugar coma or something like that. There are cakes and pies and cookies all around, not to mention the HARD ASS DOUGHNUTS! They have been there so long they don't even smash when you smash the box that is how hard they are. I wait around and my mom finally comes home and I say, momma why don't you have any food in here to eat? She says with ENTHUSIASM....like a crack dealer on the corner hocking his crack, or Martin Lawrence talking about what happened when he was running down Hollywood Blvd crazed cause he was smoking that eeeeeeewwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeee, she said, "I got something here for you to eat...you like GERMAN CHOCOLATE CAKE?!!!" Then she pulls out a three tier German Chocolate Cake. SERIOUSLY! I am not kidding...I say pulled out because my mom works for the Meals-on-Wheels program she is the cook/chef...anyway they get donations from stores around town so that they can give out food baskets to the elderly...they give out what they know will be used and the rest they divide up....she somehow always gets the sweets. My mom IS DIABETIC but she constantly brings home sweets?!!! WTH!!! No one eats the stuff she brings home then she gets mad because it starts growing mold like a science experiment and it has to be thrown away. I say momma why do you keep bringing this stuff home NOBODY EATS IT SO STOP BRINGING IT HERE! She says, "do you feel better now that you have yelled at me?" She said this in a nice calm ccccooooooollllllll voice which when I was growing up it would have sent chills up my spine but now I am grown so it doesn't bother me....much. SO I say WELL STOP BRINGING THIS STUFF HERE....you know YOU can't eat it and nobody else does that is why you have these HARD ASS DOUGHNUTS sitting here...she looked up at me as if to say, "If you yell at me again...you know what is going to happen..." SO I backed up...cause yeah I do know! Then I think to myself she can't catch me so I will push the envelope and see what happens....DON'T DO THAT! That is all I have to say about that....except for if you see a pair of lips flying through the air, they are mine! Just kidding she didn't hit me cause she couldn't catch me.... but I am thinking why does she bring home sweets EVERYDAY! SERIOUSLY EVERYDAY the good Lord brings she brings home cakes and pies and cookies...WHY???? Can you tell me please??!!!! My dad had a friend who said one holiday that my mom had so much food it took your appetite because you just didn't know what to eat ....SHE STILL DOES THAT! BUT NOW NOBODY EATS IT!!!! My mom said, "Well so-in-so needs some of this stuff over at her house..." I said well if you wait until it grows mold before you take it to her she won't be able to eat it! That is when she hit me.


See ya when I see ya...

Peace! Mattie