The Good Thing About Being Black....

HELLO PEOPLE! How the heck are you? I hope life is treating you well... I was just thinking about a story I wrote a long time ago before they had blogs and I sent it to my friends. They enjoyed it a LOT and I was wondering if I told the story again would it be just as funny? It is a true story and I think about it sometimes when I walk up and down the stairs.... Now as I remember I wrote: The good thing about being Black is you can have a black-eye and bruised face and nobody will no the difference. (Actually now that I think about it, it is not really a good thing if you are being abused and don't know how to ask for help hopefully someone who sees you battered will ask for help for you.) BUT in my case it was a good thing. Anyway...one night in the middle of the night I had to go pee. You know how that is you are warm and cozy in the bed and so you lay there talking to yourself about whether or not you should get up in the cold and go to the bathroom or stay warm in bed. The warm in bed feels so good, but it could actually be warmer if you pee on yourself cause you didn't get up and go to the bathroom like you know you NEED to! So half asleep I get up and start walking towards the bathroom, somehow in the sleep stupor I am walking in I manage to turn slightly and the next thing I know....BAM! I walked right into one of the pillars holding up the cabin...HARD! I stagger back and grab the right side of my face try to laugh it off but its kind of hard to do with the pain in my eye...lip...cheek...nose...I find my way to the bathroom and sit turn on the light and sit down still holding my face. I finish doing what I got up to do and get up and look in the mirror. WHAT THE @$%@##!!!! My eye is swelling shut, my lip is three times it normal size and my cheek is red and purple....I call out for Gary. "Gary". I am still looking at myself horrified as things continue to change colors and swell. "Gary". There is sounds of snoring coming from the bedroom...is that blue and purple I see on my eyelid, that would be cool if I wore make-up? WOW that's a pretty color of red. "GARY!!" I can't believe women pay to have collagen put in their lips to get them this big "GARY GARY GARY!!!!!!" Finally I hear WHAT?! "Come here!!!!" 'What the hell do you want???!!!' "LOOK AT MY FACE!!!" What's wrong with your face? "LOOK AT MY FACE!!!!" I close my eyes and point to the rainbow affect taking place there and then to my lip which is the size of a beach ball now. I said 'Gary I walked into the pillar and now look at my face!' WHY DDIDN'T YOU COME WHEN I CALLED YOU THE FIRST TIME!!!! What first time? Seriously Gary??? I could have fallen down the stairs and killed myself and you wouldn't have heard a thing would you? Gary said, "If you were really hurt you would have been swearing and then I would have known there was a problem." REALLY?! Gary is Irish and to him that means profanity is the acceptable language to use in all situations and MUST be used as often as possible and with much vigor and color!!!! Gary can stub his toe or drop something on the floor and a barrage of profanity will follow. I don't get it but that's how he rolls it. I remember when I had surgery and my sister came to help me and take care of my sister while I was recovering. Gary went to KFC to get some food for us, since I was recovering and my sister was being me at the time, which meant she spent most of her day in Flagstaff and two hours driving back and forth between Williams and Flagstaff. When Gary got back home with the food it was discovered that they had forgot to put the coleslaw in the bag, Gary had gone through the drive thru and he did not check the bag before he pulled off. To my sister's surprise upon the discovery of the missing coleslaw Gary proceed to let out a barrage of profanity that would have made Joan Rivers take notes! "Son of a $%^#&# Mother&#^#%@&*(@ they didn't put the coleslaw in the bag...@#^*&^$Y&#$(* )(#$)#($*#)($*)# $$$holes! @#%^$&*#&(*$&#)_!*#(&*** you ruined the whole thing! The WHOLE THING IS RUINED NOW WITHOUT THE COLESLAW!!!!" I am laying in the bed trying to get comfortable and my sister comes up the stairs and says in a hushed voice,"Should we be concerned? Do we need to leave?" I asked what the matter was and she said, "Don't you hear Gary downstairs?" I said oh yeah...ignore him he always does that when things go wrong or he stubs his toe or drops something...he's IRISH! He will calm down and stop talking in a minute. She said really? Are you sure??? I said yeah just go down and eat the chicken and mashed potatoes it will be alright in a minute. Gary you gotta love him! Sometimes.... Anyway...back to my original story...so that morning when I got up I realized that it was not a nightmare that I had the night before and that I really did have a black-eye, bruised cheek and a Steve Harvey size lip! I got dressed and went to work and walked around the whole day, at a LAW FIRM, and no one asked me any questions or said,'WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU EYE! WHY IS YOUR LIP SO BIG!!!' NOPE no one said a thing to at all which is why I thought it is good to be Black cause nobody can tell when you jacked up! On the one hand it was nice cause the true story of walking into the pillar at the time seemed kind of lame on the other hand really people you couldn't see I had a black eye and big lip???!!! I think I told the story better the first time, cause I was in the moment of the actual event. BUT when I think back on it, it is funny. See ya when I see ya! Peace! Mattie