Godspeed Scott...

So today my friend Scott passed away, and I am sad. I talked about him a while ago and he finally succumbed to the cancer that was eating him alive. He fought a good fight lasted longer than anyone should have with Pancreatic Cancer. Even until the end they were saying he is going to pass today and much to their surprise the next day he would still be here. The Doctors talked a lot about Scott being the model patient, never complaining or saying a mumbling word about his situation or of the ultimate end result of his disease. I wish I could say the same. Just for me dealing with 'normal' pain I can be unpleasant to be around. I can get a headache and snap someone's head off just for saying HI!

I met Scott through his sister, Stacey, and even though I say he is my friend sadly I can't really say I knew Scott but I loved him just the same. Scott kept to himself and every time I would go over to his mother's house for dinner or to visit Scott and I never talked. But I found that Scott and I had a quiet bond. When I say quiet bond, that is to say that Scott and I sat quietly while his sisters, mom and sometimes his stepfather would loudly discuss things or yell at each other. They are Italian so I gathered that was just the way they 'rolled'. I met Stacey when I was 18 or 19, she is a year younger than me and 2 years older than Scott. So I've known Scott since he was 16 or 17, which means I have known him 27 years, might as well say his whole life. In that time we didn't really have any deep conversations or discuss politics, religion or life, we simply acknowledge each other when we were in proximity to do so and lived our separate lives. Now Scott's life is over and I sit thinking of all the things I should have said, things we could have done and the promise I made and didn't keep. I am sorry Scott I never came down to go to the movies with you or send you the pack of movies tickets no excuses just an apology, I am truly sorry.

When it comes to the end of your life or someone you care about there should be no 'I am sorry' to be said. There should only be memories of all the things you shared, the fun you had, the love you expressed and the I love yous that you said to one another. I did get the opportunity to tell Scott that I loved him the last time I saw, and for those of you that know me you know that was a feat in itself(not real big on mushiness). My parents didn't tell us when we were growing up that they loved us there were no 'I love you, have a nice day' being said. But we all know that everything we do is LEARNED and you are going to do to others what has been done to you. I don't know if I love you is something that my parents heard from their parents, but I bet the behavior was learned. I don't have any children (thank you God) but the cycle at some point needs to be broken.

I have learned a lot from Scott and his family, just tidbits here and there but they are things I needed to learn. People come into our lives for many reasons and hopefully we learn what those reasons are before they gone. I think what I learned from Scott is that despite your circumstances you should be humble and if you don't have anything good to say you shouldn't say anything at all. I learned from Scott's family, some dinner etiquette and to say I love you. The first dinner I went to at mom's (Momma Louise) house we were all sitting around the table with the spaghetti and sauce on the table, salad and bread, etc. We said grace and then sat there...finally Stacey said I am hungry can we eat, and mom said well we will as soon as Mattie takes her food and passes the rest. At my house when we were growing up my mom fixed our plates and gave them to us, then as we got older we fixed our own plates and ate in front of the TV. On the holidays even when we were old my mom fixed our plates, so taking some food and passing it around was new to me. Stacey and Scott's mom always said I love to me when I would leave even though I never said it back. I think the first time she said it I just sat in the car thinking...she loves me? Now when I talk to mom and she says I love you I say it back no hesitation at all. Before I think I said thank you. Important lessons learned from my Italian family.

Now that I have learned these lessons it's time to break the cycle....so let me say to you whoever you are reading this message....I LOVE YOU! And if you come to my house for dinner, I hate to say it but, everybody who comes to my house for dinner the first time I will fix your plate. After that you are considered family and from then on the plates are in the cabinets help yourself!!!

I am sad that you are gone Scott but I am glad you are no longer in pain, I hope you are at peace!

See ya when I see ya

Peace! Mattie

I Feel Like I Should Say Something....

Hello People!

How the heck are you? I hope this blog finds you well and warm!!! It has been COLD in the morning lately and this is only the beginning.

I am on my way to walk 60 miles for Breast Cancer research in hopes of finding a cure and as I prepare to do this walk, I feel like I should say something....anything even if its the wrong thing... I feel I have to say something!!!

As I get ready to start this walk I can't help but think of a friend of mine, Scott, whose walk on this Earth is not long to be. I went down last weekend to see him, he has been fighting pancreatic cancer for the past 4 or 5 years. Unfortunately, the Doctors say there is nothing they can do now but make him comfortable and hopefully pain free. It is just a matter of time for my friend, but as he has shown time and time again throughout this whole ordeal, what the Doctor's say and what actually happens is not always the same. I can't help but wonder if it were me in this situation would have been as strong as Scott? Would I have gone through all the treatments, chemotherapy and radiation and been as positive as Scott about everything that was happening. Mom (Scott's mom) said that Scott has not said ANYTHING! "He has taken the treatments and everything they have given him and never complained." I am about to walk 60 miles and I know at some point along the way I am going to be whinny and complaining about my feet or back or knee or something before its all said and done. Yet Scott has endured years of chemo and radiation, surgeries, shunts, etc. and never said a mumbling word. AMAZING! I am sure there was always this intense determination that one day I will be better and won't have to do these treatments anymore and can get on with my life.

I didn't know what to say when I was down there and when it came time for me to go all I could do was just hug him and hug him and keep hugging Scott before I left. I told him that I loved him and hugged him again. I am sure he was thinking would you please get off me! It is hard to believe that I may not see my friend again...but regardless I hope that Scott knows that he is loved and that he feels that everyday.

I know it should be, and it is a a sad occasion but I reflect back on when my Uncle Riley died and the things that happened just before. My cousin told me that a Minister came in to talk to my Uncle at his request because my Uncle wanted to get baptized and accept Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior before he went to meet Him for himself. Mike said that Uncle Riley was saying 'Holy is His name. Holy is His name!' His eyes were closed as he was saying this, seemingly in response to some question the Minister had asked him. I can only imagine at that time what Uncle Riley was seeing...I wonder if he was in God's presence then? I bet it was an awesome sight to behold. My sister said that Steve Jobs, sister wrote that his last words were 'oh my. OH MY! Oh my.' I wonder what awesome things he saw that made him utter those words. I hope Scott gets to see some awesome things as he transitions out of this world and into the next. I hope he has accepted Jesus as his Lord and Savior and that he knows that the end of this life is just the beginning of his best life.

I can only imagine how angry and confused Scott must be as he is only 44 years old and has been told that his life is all but over. I can only imagine the hurt mom must feel knowing that she will out live one of her children. BUT in the midst of all these emotions, I can't help but think Scott is going to meet God, and hang out with Jesus. Now just how cool is that?!

If I were computer savvy I would upload/download Mercy Me, 'I Can Only Imagine' so it would be playing in the background as you read this, but I am not that cool. SO instead I will just put some of the lyrics here. "Surrounded by your Glory, what will my heart feel? Will I dance for your Jesus? Or in awe of you be still? Will I stand in Your presence? Or to my knees will I fall? Will I sing Hallelujah? Or will I be able to speak at all? I can only imagine. I can only imagine!"

Until we meet again my friend perhaps on this Earth perhaps hanging out with Jesus. I wish you Godspeed Scott! I wish you all the love you heart can hold and that you know more than all the love we have for Jesus loves you more. And as much as we will miss you, Jesus can't wait to see you! I love you!!!!

See ya when I see ya!

Peace! Mattie

Time to Walk

Hello People!

How the heck are you doing? I hope this blog finds you well and in good health. It is almost time for the Susan G. Komen 3 Day for the Cure Breast Cancer walk and I am not ready! I have not trained as I should and the walk starts on Friday, November 11, 2011!!! OUCH! It is going to be interesting... I have a source of inspiration someone I am going to be writing about soon who has been diagnosed with cancer (pancreatic) but has never said a mumbling word about his situation or what he is going through. AMAZING!!! I went to see Scott on Friday in the hospital and they let him go home while I was there. I said that I was going to drive home that night which would have meant driving from Phoenix to Williams, and Scott showed more concern for me driving than he did for himself. Scott has a shunt in his stomach, was on a feeding tube and can only 'eat' ensure, WHICH he uses to wash down the liquid morphine because one he can't take it in pill form and two it has a bad after taste. My understanding is that most people diagnosed with pancreatic cancer die within the first year of diagnosis, Scott was diagnosed I think 4 or 5 years ago and is still fighting. If he can keep up the fight while having his stomach stop functioning and enduring chemotherapy, what the hell would I look complaining about walking 60 miles. Seriously!!!

Once I get this walk over with I hope to start blogging again on a weekly basis. I hope to do a blog about Scott soon once I can get my thoughts and words together. What can you say about a man who has endured more than most of us can imagine and has never asked the question 'why me?'

See ya when I see ya!

Peace! Mattie

Question

Hello People!

How the heck are you?! I hope this blog finds you well and happy.

This blog is going to be short and to the point. It is a simple question but the answer will not doubt be complicated.

Are you making an impression or an impact on people's lives? If you are just impressing them is that enough? Let's all make an effort and go for the impact.


See ya when I see ya!

Peace! Mattie

Writer's Block

Hello People!

How the heck are you doing?

I am falling WAY behind in my resolution to write a blog every week....I have things to say but I find I just say them to myself and wonder why nobody gets it...just kidding! I do talk to myself a lot which I think is a sign of genius or crazy, I'll get back to you on which one it turns out to be.

I haven't been paying attention to the news I try to avoid watching it actually at all costs as there is never anything good to be said. Children are starving in places across the world, the United States included, wars, rumors of wars, violence in the streets (the United States included), unemployment, homelessness and on an on...WOW! People will no doubt begin to envy the dead as they are no longer here and a part of the atrocities that are going on... they have 'no worries'!

I have a book that I need to write not necessarily for publishing sake, but for the sake of purging, there are some things I need to get out. I am told that once you write down something it frees you in a sense, you have gotten it out of your system and now you can move on. Is it that simple? And if it is that simple then everyone should be writing/journaling/purging.

I have lots to say but I can't seem to get it on the page...I look at people and things and think that is a story right there. But the script plays out in my head and never makes it to the page. I have to work on getting it on the page and out of my system. When I finish this blog I am going to pick up on the book I started writing and see if I can knock out a chapter or two before the little bunny in the corner catches my attention and I am off to do something.

True writers write....I have the gift of writing just not the concentration to get it done.

Oh look a bunny...................

See ya when I see ya!

Peace! Mattie

Happy Birthday!!!

Hello People!

How the heck are you doing? Summer is here and that means schools out, vacations, traveling playing outside and HEAT! Lots of HEAT!!! It seems to be getting hotter up here in the mountains, I don't remember it being this hot when I was little and outside running around playing....BUT in that same token I would rather have the heat than 6 feet of snow!!!! Snow will be here soon enough I am sure, as a matter of fact it was snowing here in May!

June is my birthday month and I am sure that my friends look forward to it coming if for no other reason than for me to shut up announcing my birthday! In my family there are SIX kids and all my sisters and brothers were born in September, within a two week period of each other. My oldest sister and brother are the same age for two or three days! But what does birthday mean anyway??? An annual celebration of the birth of a living thing...that is my guesstimate of what it means....I couldn't get the dictionary to pull up. I make a big to do about my birthday each year since I have gotten older because when I was little it was mostly forgotten. I guess when you have five other kids in one month to remember, it is easy to forget the odd one out. BUT that doesn't make it right. Everyone deserves a celebration at least once a year if not more often.

ANYWAY birthdays are also a time to reflect on another year gone, and the possibility of another year of things to come. I am knocking on half a century and in looking back at my life I can't see what I have accomplished? Half a CENTURY that sounds old when you say it out loud.... DAMN! Anyway...since I have been BLESSED to be here so many years I think it is about time I figure out some things. Remember those Infinity commercials with the guy from Fantasy Island, asking the question, where does this road lead? Why are we here? Do you know where you are going to? I think that last question was a lyric from a Diana Ross song....Valley of the Dolls theme or something. Does anybody have the answer to these questions whether the questions are philosophical or otherwise? I have been trying to figure out my purpose in life, another thing I have been bugging my friends about. My friends tolerate a lot from me now that I think about it, but that's just me!

My birthday has come and gone so now I have another year to make things happen. According to my goals my book should be almost ready for publishing and I should be completely back into shape. I have been told by doctors that the weight I was in High School and throughout my twenties and early thirties was not actually a healthy weight. My BMI (Body Mass Index) was in the unhealthy range....oddly enough though when I went to modeling school they told me I was overweight. Let that be a lesson to all you girls out there idolizing models they are UNHEALTHY and you should NOT want to look like them it is not healthy. SO instead of shooting for the weight I was back then I am aiming for the low end of the spectrum on the BMI scale.

I hope by this time next year I have figured out what I am doing and why I am here. I hope that the book is where it is suppose to be and that I am healthy. I hope the same for those of you who are reading this blog. I hope that you are healthy, happy and exactly where you want to be. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

See ya when I see ya!

Peace! Mattie

Happy Father's Day

Hello People!

I know...I know I am slacking on my blogging....I can't seem to get motivated but my intention is to do better. SO how is everyone? I hope this blog finds you well and that you all had a wonderful Father's Day hopefully you still have your fathers around to celebrate with...sadly that is not the case for me!!!

ANYWAY since it is Father's Day I thought I would jot down a few memories I have of my dad. One of the things we put in the obituary for my dad was that he worked at the same job for 35 or 38 years and never once called in sick. Talk about a serious work ethic or at least a determination to make sure his children were taken care of....I don't recall my dad taking time off work other than for vacations with the family and we would travel to Texas every summer. My dad's parents lived in Texas but not just Texas they lived in Southeast Texas which meant we had to drive across the ENTIRE State of Texas to get to their house. INSANE! A station wagon full of kids (there are six (6) of us) and two adults plus luggage for all eight people! My mom also packed food for us to eat along the way as my dad did not believe in stopping at restaurants or hotels when we traveled, it was a 24 hour trip and we drove straight through.

Before we started going to Texas for summer vacation I remember my dad taking us to see the sights in the area in which we lived. We would pack up a picnic lunch and take off in the car, all 8 of us, and go to places like Petrified Forrest, Meteor Crater, Sunset Crater, the Grand Canyon, etc. I am sure that each kid has a different memory of these trips, my oldest sister likes to tell the story of how my parents tried to get rid of us kids by telling us to "back up...back up...back up" as we stood on the edge of the Grand Canyon to take a picture. I don't recall that happening but I do remember seeing the Grand Canyon on several occasions and I appreciate the fact that I saw it then, versus seeing it now. When we were little I remember as we were driving up to the Grand Canyon there were places you could pull off and see the canyon before you got to the area where you were required to pay to get it. Kind of like on the Brady Bunch when they went to the Grand Canyon and as they were driving up to the park you could see the canyon. Nowadays, the park is overrun with buildings and there is a train that runs right up to the lodge and it just seems so busy there now. I remember when we went when I was little it seemed there was lots of open areas....rangers to tell you about the park and it was quiet. On my last trip to the Canyon I could hear Native American music being played, CROWDS of people....long lines no where to park.....and it was HOT! Gary, my sister and I ventured down a little ways on the path that you can hike down into the canyon, even though I have been there many times I have never walked down into the Canyon not even a few steps. We went for my birthday a few years ago and we went maybe a quarter mile in and then we turned around. It was really hot and my sister just stopped walking...I mean STOPPED! No matter what we did we couldn't get her to move any further and when we tried she would jerk/pull away...and since the walking area is kind of narrow and the edge is right there I was thinking....THIS IS NOT GOOD! We finally persuaded her to move by putting her arms around our shoulders and basically carrying her out...I was thinking if she falls or we can't get her out of her my mom is going to be MAD. BUT I bet my dad is laughing at this entire picture.

My dad had a good sense of humor and he would LOVED music and doing a corny dance with his thumbs pointing up in the air....I often wish he was here still but in his later days he had to go to dialysis three days a week, which progressed into almost a everyday thing. He hated that machine and being poked by needles. That is no way to live and definitely no way to die! BUT before the machine and the needles....I can see my dad, big and tall STRONG. My dad was very slow to anger but when he got mad.....LOOK OUT!!!

I remember one time my dad was eating some cantaloupe which he had poured quite a bit of salt on...I was home sick from school that day and when my dad had got the cantaloupe and starting shaking the salt my mom started in on him about it...my dad told my mom that it was his cantaloupe and he would eat it how he wanted, my mom said "you are going to choke on all that salt!" and she went into the bathroom...my dad started eating the cantaloupe and watching Andy Griffin...all of a sudden I am not sure if he started to laugh or what happened but before you know it he was on his knees choking....my mom came running out of the bathroom with her pants down around her ankles yelling..."DAMN IT CECIL I TOLD YOU, YOU WERE GOING TO CHOKE!!!" As she is saying this she is beating my dad in his back and yelling....my dad finally catches his breathe and says, "Waterhead stop hitting me!" I was scared when my dad was choking but when he was finally able to speak I was relieved like I could finally breathe too!

Now when I think about this story I find it funny cause I just picture my mom with her pants down around her ankles yelling and beating my dad in his back, instead of seeing my dad on his knees gasping for air! Crazy what things you remember about your parents or people in general. I remember my dad talking us on trips whether it was to go sightseeing around the area we lived or to Texas. I also remember one of our neighbors always hitting me and running (Thelma)....another one being chased by the Principal almost everyday and being told to go home (Al)!

BUT good or bad I hope you were able to spend sometime either remembering or spending time with your father this Father's Day....before you know it sadly memories are all you will have left!

See ya when I see ya!

Peace! Mattie

I am still here.....

Hey People! I know you thought I was gone but I am still here!!! I have been busy the past couple of weekends so I didn't get a chance to get on here and talk to you!

A couple of weeks ago we went to Monument Valley for our anniversary.....10 years of Holy matrimony! LOVELY!!!! It hasn't been all roses and sunshine I think it is a daily give and take but we are still together 10 years later. WOW who knew. I would have never guessed it, I would have put money on one of us doing time or something... Just kidding!!!:D)

Anyway Monument Valley was amazing, I don't know what was more awesome the views or the stories being told by the guide we had when we went down into the Valley. I was thinking about my dad when we were on our guided tour, I was thinking that he probably would have liked to have seen what we were seeing. BUT my dad is not here now and I wonder if he has traveled through time and space to different places that he perhaps would have liked to have seen when he was living, but didn't get a chance to or couldn't afford to do while he was alive.

Do you believe that when you die your spirit can travel to different places here on earth or even to the moon if that is where you want to go? I wonder. I wonder if you can still visit places and see things when you are no longer in your earthly body? We all know that the body is just a temporary shelter and that when you die your soul and spirit are set free. If you could travel anywhere you wanted to go, where would you go? There are a lot of places that I would love to see while I am yet alive BUT there are some places I do know if I will see, cause 18 hours in a plane just does not appeal to me.....although they do make pills for just such an event. I think we should all take the opportunity to see these United States and then expand out to other places, like Brazil....Jamaica....Africa....France....Italy....Greece....I have a friend who just came back from Italy, I think it would be interesting to see other cultures and experience their food, their sports and how they live....where would you go if you could go anywhere you wanted to go????

Travel safely.....

See ya when I see ya!

Peace! Mattie

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

Hey People! How are you doing?

I was thinking all day what could I blog about today since it is Mother's Day....I was thinking about the different kinds of mothers people have, good mothers, bad mothers, indifferent mothers, mothers who are no longer here and those mothers who have checked out and left their kids to fend for themselves. AND now-a-days there are fathers who are taking on the role of mothers. Interesting times we are in....BUT right now I am going to go out on a limb and tell a story of a friend of mine who is a mother, and who asked me when she was pregnant if I would be her coach for the birth, and she allowed me to be there when her child was born. AWESOME! I don't have any children so this was the closest I was coming to experiencing this truly BLESSED event. This is how the story goes.....

SO my friend comes to me and she says to me very timidly, "I am pregnant". Dead silence, then I say to her THAT'S GREAT! I think, do you want to be pregnant? OF COURSE! Cool... SO her pregnancy progresses and as time goes on she calls me and she says she is taking birthing classes and she needs a coach. I said SURE I would be happy to be the coach. We start the classes and they are typical classes that everyone has heard about....they teach you to breathe, and to focus and what to expect when you are in the delivery room. Well let's just say that things did not happen in our delivery room like most people. At least I am assuming this is the case since I have never been in a delivery room before I am pretty sure this is not what usually goes on. BUT back to the classes...during one of the classes the instructor tells us that the coaches, are responsible for keeping the mother comfortable and calm and as relaxed as possible, so that she can stay focused on her peaceful place and pushing. RIGHT! So part of doing this is taking a sock that is filled with tennis balls and rubbing them up and down on the back of the mother, sort of massaging her, or rubbing their legs or rubbing whatever is bothering them. I look at my friend and she looks at me and we say at the same time, "I am not touching you like that..." and she is saying "you ain't touching me like that..." and we both start laughing! Classes were cool and the information was good, but it turns out I didn't need any of it. Then the time comes for the baby to be born....

I get a call one morning from my friend's mother, and she tells me they are at the hospital and it is time for me to come over. I get there and go in and my friend is hooked up to these machines monitoring her pressure, heart rate and her contractions. My friend is asleep...I think this is kind of strange since she is having contractions according to the monitors. I asked her mom what was going on and she told me that they have been in and out of the hospital all night and that my friend is just worn out! WOW! So my friend wakes up and she looks at me and she says, "I feel like I have to push get the nurse...." I go out the room and tell the nurse that she wants to push and the nurse says "well we'll just see about that sometimes they think that but its not time." The nurse comes in and she lifts the sheet up...she doesn't say anything but the look on her face says..."OH SHIT!" She goes out of the room in a hurry and then there is a flurry of activity, the doctor comes in and everybody is moving fast but it seems to be slow motion. My friend's mom is in the room and she is trying to get out but there is no time for that now she is stuck in the room for the birth of her grandchild. COOL!

My friend starts pushing we do the count and she lays back down....waiting for the next contraction and the next time to push. I am wiping her forehead and giving her ice chips so I am not really paying attention to what is going on...until I try to give her the ice chips and I notice she is asleep. I look at her mom and I said she is sleeping in the middle of her delivery she is asleep...who does that?! Turns out that my friend had come down with a bronchitis just prior to going into labor. Since she was coughing so much the doctors had told her that the hard coughing was causing her to have contractions, but she was not really in labor. They gave her some cough medicine with codeine to calm the cough and easy the pain. They also gave her some other kind of pills or medicine to stop the contractions and sent her home, only for her to come back later that night with the same pain and coughing. When they finally decided she was in labor they gave her MORE medicine for the labor pains.

Now my friend is in labor and this is how the labor goes... contraction hits...she WAKES UP sits up and pushes for the count and then falls back and goes to SLEEP! Contraction hits....she WAKES UP sits up pushes and then falls back and goes to SLEEP! She basically slept through the delivery. I was always told that labor was the most incredible pain you could ever experience, NO MAN would live through it, and some women die during it....but my friend would sleep. Now granted she was drugged up with the different medicines they had given her, but it was just unbelievable to me that she could sleep through this....WOW! It was the most incredible thing I have ever seen, to witness the birth of a child. I was trying my best not to look but the doctor had glasses on and you could see the whole thing in his glasses. INCREDIBLE! A little baby girl was born....eighteen years ago and now she is graduating from high school. CONGRATULATIONS mom! Congratulations baby girl!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!!


See ya when I see ya!Peace! Mattie

Just wondering.....where are we going....

Hey People! I am getting on a roll here this makes three in row and you know the saying, 'third time is a charm'!!!! We will see if that is the case here....

SO I was talking to this lady where I work and I said to her, 'you know this is going to offend you in so many ways but are you Navajo?' She is Native American and her tribe is Navajo. Now don't get me wrong the fact that the person I was talking to is Navajo was not offensive, I just thought the question would be offensive as most people don't like to discuss their heritage. I was hanging up a Navajo rug in my cubicle area and I wanted to confirm what I was told about the design on the rug. I asked was this symbol or design that of family? I told her that's what I was told when I bought the rug from this man who was selling it for his daughter who was trying to raise money for graduation. The lady told me she believed it was but she she couldn't say for sure. Then she said to me, "I should know more about my heritage but I don't, my grandma tried to teach us weaving and things like that but we would sit there for an hour and then we would take off. We didn't want to learn we just wanted to play outside and run around. I don't even know how to speak the language." She went on to tell me that each rug is different because the concept and design of the rug is what you the weaver create in your mind, you have to see the rug as you are making it and that's why no two are the same. WOW! I didn't know that, but that does explain why they are so different, and makes you wonder when you look at them how did they come up with that. I told her don't feel bad about not knowing your heritage, I am not that sure of mine. I am hoping Africa is in there somewhere and I have no doubt there is some White people in there as well. Sadly, there are a lot of things that should be passed down from generation to generation, that is falling by the way side, kids don't want to learn and parents don't have time to teach.

My mom won't teach me how to cook she says she doesn't use recipes, she does everything by taste and feel, so she can't write anything down for me AND she gets mad when I ask her to. SAD that things like your native language, cultural cooking and family stories aren't being passed onto the next generation. I am pretty sure there are some who will think this is a good thing and some who are fearful that we are slowing 'blending' into a melting pot of people of whose national origin you cannot differentiate. This could be a good thing or it could be a bad thing....GOOD that finally people are being seen as people and not Black people or White people, etc. but just PEOPLE! But the bad thing would be what is lost along the way like 'southern cooking', weaving baskets and rugs, making pasta and sauces, braiding hair and story telling.

We are all in such a hurry these days to get to where we are going....but I was just wondering...where are we going??!!!!

See ya when I see ya!

Peace! Mattie

Well here is the second one....HAPPY EASTER

Hello People!

Happy Easter Sunday to you and yours. I hope you went out and enjoyed this day and got your fill of eggs, candy and those nasty little 'Peeps'. What is that really concentrated sugar wrapped in more sugar???? I don't get it. No offense to the makers of Peeps...I just don't get it.

SO how has everyone been lately....strange weather we have been having lately...tornadoes in St. Louis what is that about. I went to Washington, DC a couple of weeks ago and it was rainy and cold everyday then the day before me and my friends left it was 90 degree! Previous temperatures had been in the 50s. WTH! We got some gale force winds going on in Arizona, we are talking hold on to your hats and skirts, if you don't you could be chasing them both down the street.

Anyway...I was talking to a friend of mine...actually I was listening she was doing the talking and even when I tried to interject to be apart of the conversation I was talked over. It is interesting that some people like to, or in some cases, NEED to complain about things and point out how "they' did this to me and "they' did that to me...and you know "they" don't want you to have nothing! THEY. Who the hell is they! There comes a time in your life when you have to stand up for what you believe in no matter what THEY say! Whoever 'they' may be, you have to do you, if you don't stand up for yourself and what you believe in then nobody else will. I try to stay away from using the word THEY unless I don't want to hurt someone's feelings and then 'they' may creep into the conversation, otherwise names will be used regardless of the outcome. It seems 'they' become the scapegoat for everything that is wrong, could go wrong or even might go wrong. You know they said you couldn't come in here, that you didn't belong. They said you were not good enough to be apart of the group so they voted you out. They are always looking at me funny like they don't like me, or like they don't want me around. Boy those 'theys' are pretty powerful people or entities or whatever THEY may be. BUT not really they are only as powerful as you let them be. NO ONE or nothing should have that much control over your life and how you live it, to the point that they can dictate how you live. I can't go in there cause 'they don't like me. I can't say anything cause 'they' can hear me and then they will get mad. SERIOUSLY! Get the they's out of your vocabulary start standing up for yourself and what you believe in, and watch what THEY do then.

Until the next time!

See ya when I see ya!

Peace! Mattie

WOW! You Just Never Know...

Hello People!

How the heck are you doing? It has been a while since I have been on here almost a year to the date that I was last on. I see the last posting is dated April 23, 2010. SO here I am again and I plan on making it a weekly blog if not more. I gotta get my writing juices flowing again so I can get my book done. I made some goals as part of the neighborhood group that I am a part of, I have a 1 year goal to get back into shape....wearing size 40 pants in MEN'S pants because women's aren't long enough is NOT a good look. Trust me! The even sadder part is that the size 40 is not really fitting that well. ANYWAY my 18 month goal is to get the book done or at least a first draft done. The longest goal is 5 years and that goal for me is to still be employed by the same employer as I have now. This probably seems like a 'duh' goal for most of you but for me it is a goal that I have set and have every intention of keeping. Usually when it comes to jobs I will keep them until I get bored or until someone pisses me off, which is more likely the case, and then I say 'kick rock...deuces! I am out!!!!' Not a very mature thing to do but my justification for it is that I can always go home. That is what I said when I was younger and someone annoyed me on the job I would just say....I ain't got to take this I can go home! My parents are still alive and I can just go home I ain't got to be here!!! Now I am older and married and I would think when annoyed or pissed...are you kidding me! 'My man has money!'....Well I have matured since then and now REALITY has set in that I am getting older and the old man is really OLD and it is time to grow up. SO 5 years at a job would be actually a first for me. SAD isn't it?!

ANYWAY...I was just getting the laptop out and trying to find the password and what not to access this blog and I was thinking what am I going to blog about. I want to boast of the best part of my Washington, DC trip but then I thought no one would want to read that. BUT then I got this call from this lady I work with she is a nice lady and we have developed a sort of unspoken language when it comes to work. We just look at each other and smile or laugh no words needed....but I digress... she called me when I was trying to decide what to blog about and she said "I just wanted to tell you that I am getting baptized tomorrow at church after the second service, and since you are the one who lead me to the church in the first place I thought you should know." WOW! You just never know...Well I was overwhelmed with that comment...how exciting she is giving her life to Christ!!! YOU GO GIRL!!! You will not be disappointed and you will NEVER be alone!!! So that to me was just a confirmation that I should tell you what I was thinking in the first place.

When we were in Washington, DC my friends (the ladies night group plus one or two new ones) I was traveling with starting giving me a hard time, which they usually do, but it was really early in the morning and I was not ready to be harassed yet. I got out my phone and I get this daily Bible verse and the verse for that day said, 'forgive one another as I have forgiven you be humble and kind and slow to anger' maybe something about love thrown in...that is not exactly how it read but it is my paraphrase. I said to my friends see God just saved your life...the Bible just saved your life right now cause God said to show nothing but love for you! And I read them the verse, after I read my Bible verse one of my friends says, 'well I read the Laws of Attraction, and it says...' Now I can't actually tell you what it said because I didn't understand it when she read it and I don't think the rest of them did either because she had to explain it to us. Several times at length... when she was done I said well you see the Bible doesn't need any explanation it says what it says, it is plain and simple. It is plain and simple it says what it says and it is simple to understand. Read it for yourself make your own decision. I hope you find it to be an easy read, easy to understand and hopefully lead you to the point where my co-worker is now, ready to be baptized and develop a relationship with someone (Jesus Christ) who will stick closer to her than any friend, sister or brother. P.S. actual verse(s) Ephesians 4:31-32.

Now that I said that let me just tell you all that are thinking this is going to be a 'Christian' blog... a Christian is writing this blog but I am not going to hesitate to speak my mind and at times that may not come out as Christ would have said it. SO don't try to put me or my blog in a category it is what it is and it's just Mattie!

See ya when I see ya!

Peace! Mattie