I Feel Like I Should Say Something....

Hello People!

How the heck are you? I hope this blog finds you well and warm!!! It has been COLD in the morning lately and this is only the beginning.

I am on my way to walk 60 miles for Breast Cancer research in hopes of finding a cure and as I prepare to do this walk, I feel like I should say something....anything even if its the wrong thing... I feel I have to say something!!!

As I get ready to start this walk I can't help but think of a friend of mine, Scott, whose walk on this Earth is not long to be. I went down last weekend to see him, he has been fighting pancreatic cancer for the past 4 or 5 years. Unfortunately, the Doctors say there is nothing they can do now but make him comfortable and hopefully pain free. It is just a matter of time for my friend, but as he has shown time and time again throughout this whole ordeal, what the Doctor's say and what actually happens is not always the same. I can't help but wonder if it were me in this situation would have been as strong as Scott? Would I have gone through all the treatments, chemotherapy and radiation and been as positive as Scott about everything that was happening. Mom (Scott's mom) said that Scott has not said ANYTHING! "He has taken the treatments and everything they have given him and never complained." I am about to walk 60 miles and I know at some point along the way I am going to be whinny and complaining about my feet or back or knee or something before its all said and done. Yet Scott has endured years of chemo and radiation, surgeries, shunts, etc. and never said a mumbling word. AMAZING! I am sure there was always this intense determination that one day I will be better and won't have to do these treatments anymore and can get on with my life.

I didn't know what to say when I was down there and when it came time for me to go all I could do was just hug him and hug him and keep hugging Scott before I left. I told him that I loved him and hugged him again. I am sure he was thinking would you please get off me! It is hard to believe that I may not see my friend again...but regardless I hope that Scott knows that he is loved and that he feels that everyday.

I know it should be, and it is a a sad occasion but I reflect back on when my Uncle Riley died and the things that happened just before. My cousin told me that a Minister came in to talk to my Uncle at his request because my Uncle wanted to get baptized and accept Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior before he went to meet Him for himself. Mike said that Uncle Riley was saying 'Holy is His name. Holy is His name!' His eyes were closed as he was saying this, seemingly in response to some question the Minister had asked him. I can only imagine at that time what Uncle Riley was seeing...I wonder if he was in God's presence then? I bet it was an awesome sight to behold. My sister said that Steve Jobs, sister wrote that his last words were 'oh my. OH MY! Oh my.' I wonder what awesome things he saw that made him utter those words. I hope Scott gets to see some awesome things as he transitions out of this world and into the next. I hope he has accepted Jesus as his Lord and Savior and that he knows that the end of this life is just the beginning of his best life.

I can only imagine how angry and confused Scott must be as he is only 44 years old and has been told that his life is all but over. I can only imagine the hurt mom must feel knowing that she will out live one of her children. BUT in the midst of all these emotions, I can't help but think Scott is going to meet God, and hang out with Jesus. Now just how cool is that?!

If I were computer savvy I would upload/download Mercy Me, 'I Can Only Imagine' so it would be playing in the background as you read this, but I am not that cool. SO instead I will just put some of the lyrics here. "Surrounded by your Glory, what will my heart feel? Will I dance for your Jesus? Or in awe of you be still? Will I stand in Your presence? Or to my knees will I fall? Will I sing Hallelujah? Or will I be able to speak at all? I can only imagine. I can only imagine!"

Until we meet again my friend perhaps on this Earth perhaps hanging out with Jesus. I wish you Godspeed Scott! I wish you all the love you heart can hold and that you know more than all the love we have for Jesus loves you more. And as much as we will miss you, Jesus can't wait to see you! I love you!!!!

See ya when I see ya!

Peace! Mattie