Tractor folk....

HEY you guys! It is insanity time.... oh yeah!

SO how has your weekend been so far? Good I hope! I know it goes by quickly I think we should start a campaign for three day weekends. Especially in today's economy it would be beneficial to the employer and the employees. Did I mention I am an employee now? One day I will be an employer but that is ONE day...

Okay onto my weekend....yesterday or as my niece says, "esterday" (I don't know why she doesn't pronounce the y, she just doesn't) Gary decided to have some of his tractor club members over for a tractor ride and lunch. I know you are all thinking...UUUHHH OOOOHHHH and possibly OH SHIT! You would be correct on both counts. SO the tractor folk are suppose to show up at 10:00AM. NOW since we are talking about pigmently challenged people we know they are going to be ON TIME and even EARLY! They were! At 9:15AM the first tractor rider showed up...his name was Cletus (that is not really his name I just made that up and thank God for spell check cause you don't want to know how I spelled it...BUT it was wrong!) NOW Cletus pulled/carried his tractor over on his trailer. Once the tractor was unloaded he came on in the house with his overalls on and his AMISH straw hat! Is that picture clear to you? I offered him some coffee or doughnuts, etc. he declined and said he had already ate. Gary showed him around the downstairs part of the house and they talked...LOUD! About that time some more folks started to show up, we have the Apple Dumpling Gang (remember I told you all about Grandpa, his son and his grandson? You know my sister put him in a headlock and MASHED his face into her tits! Yeah they came back...) Grandpa had a big ol' smile on his face when I came downstairs but when he saw I came alone the smile faded. NO Grandpa there will be no smothering you in breasts today! THEN Mr. and Mr. Goober showed up....lovely couple, I was just praying that our dinning chairs could withstand the strain of Mr. Goober. (Oh God PLEASE don't let that chair break with that man in it...because if a piece gets stuck up his @$$ I am going to have to go the hospital with him for oxygen). Our dinning set is old and wobbly...not good when you are holding up a two or three hundred pound person! Well once they all came in they were happy to help themselves to the fruit, pastries and coffee I had prepared, this obviously made Cletus more comfortable in eating and he proceeded to eat half of an Entenmann's Cheese Coffee cake.... the Apple Dumpling Gang did their share of damage to the eats as well. Now since it was all men and no other women were going Mrs. Goober decided she would stay with me....LOVELY! I am thinking to myself I can do this...I can entertain a complete stranger for a few HOURS?! Of course I can! SO I call one of my neighbor friends to come over and HELP ME!I mean come over and lets have 'movie' day since Gary is on a tractor ride.... Unfortunately she was in Phoenix so I am screwed....I mean I am on my own! Well I ask Mrs. Goober if she wants to watch some TV or a movie or ANYTHING like that, and she said, "No I am fine just talking." Oh?! Okay! Well lets go in the living room and sit where it is comfortable. SO we did .... SEVEN FREAKIN' HOURS LATER SHE WAS STILL TALKING! The men were off sight seeing and I am stuck in the house with Tammy Talk A LOT! She started talking from the time they took off on their tractors and she didn't stop until they left! She talked about her husband Mr. Goober and how he never does anything right, her children (she was pregnant three (3) times) BUT I think she only has two (2) children she mentioned something about some twins between her son and her daughter but she never talked about them so I ASS-U-ME they passed away or did not make it to birth. Trust me I was NOT about to ask any questions! Mrs. Goober told me about her neighbors and the genetic anomaly her husband suffers from that has been passed on to their children AND their grandchildren. It is like Arthritis BUT it can attack any part of your body, Mr. Goober has had it twice in his eye! It can also attack your heart, it is one of the reasons why Mr. Goober is bent over when he walks. Mrs. Goober just got her new insurance it is only available to people down in Phoenix/Sun City and when she got the insurance she went and had EVERYTHING checked out! Did you know Mrs. Goober has a urinary tract infection? I didn't either until she told me...I was thinking TOO MUCH INFORMATION! But I guess when you are old nothing is 'personal' to you anymore... Mrs. Goober said she had no idea she had this infection the last time she had it she was double over in pain but this time...NOTHING! She is taking medicine for her cholesterol and she recently loss 35 pounds. Her biggest guilty pleasure is the Navajo Tacos at the Cameron Trading Post out by the Grand Canyon...actually it is on the reservation... is it? I can't remember where it is but it is good food! Mrs. Goober's father passed away fro "yellow nail syndrome". Do you know what this? Me either. Yellow nail syndrome is where your nails (finger and toe nails) turn yellow, then black and fall off...ANYWAY...as the men were on their tractor ride it started to rain! Mr. Goober is not going to be happy because he is probably cold and he doesn't like to be cold (even though he was born and raised in Michigan...go figure). You know how I know this about Mr. Goober? Mrs. Goober told me. SHE TOLD ME EVERYTHING! She would not shut up! I sat most of the time with my eyes bugged out, you know like I was surprised or really interested in what she was saying....I wasn't really I was just trying not to let my eyes close NOT EVEN TO BLINK because I would have fallen asleep on her! MY GOD, who talks that much? Who has that much to say? SERIOUSLY!

As I was saying it started to rain while the men were out on the tractor ride so I tried to call Gary to see where they were and he told me there were close to the property and he was "sitting under a tree waiting for the guys to catch up because I thought I could out run the rain but I couldn't so now I am wet sitting her waiting for them." SO I get the binoculars out and I look for Gary... He is literally sitting under a tree...now mind you he is sitting under a tree in a thunderstorm! He is sitting on a tractor with a metal seat under a tree with NO limbs or leaves...it is basically a LIGHTENING ROD sticking straight up in the air and HE IS SITTING UNDER IT! Can you say STUPID! I called him and I said Gary why are sitting under that tree? It is a thunderstorm with LIGHTENING!!!! AND you are sitting UNDER A TREE! You are only a few hundred yards from the house WHY DON'T YOU JUST COME HOME! Tractor folk were only suppose to be here for a few hours. They came at 9'ish and left at 5"ish can you say HEADACHE!

See ya when I see ya!

Peace! Mattie