Oregon....The Rest of the Story.....

As I said yesterday....here is the rest of the story....Oregon you really gotta love it!

SO…. Where was I? Oh yeah drunk Stu…

Well we sat around the dinner table talking while Stu sat over in another area in a chair where he continued to mumble about not knowing where he was and wanting to know what was going on… we ignored him… as we sat and talked Gary’s “friend” Tom is well I guess he is a happy drunk… he was jabbering on and I was sitting next to him and he would slap or grab onto my knee “Gary we are some lucky son of guns you know that… I mean you have this wonderful lady here who loves you and I got Kathie, man it doesn’t get any better….” (insert knee slap/grab here)… more conversation and Tom’s hand is now on my thigh… I try to inconspicuously move my chair over but Tom is about 6’ tall so he has a reach on him… more conversation and he grabs onto my shoulder and gives it a good shake… we keep talking and then Tom’s hand is not where it should be… OKAY…ALRIGHT Gary! Its time to go bed now… in between the grabs Kathie had noticed Stu sliding down in the chair so she suggested that he go to bed…which everybody agreed to BUT no one was helping Kathie with. I said Gary she is a lady and she should not be trying to corral a drunken man into bed by herself YOU take care of Stu…so the sleeping arrangements are this… Tom and Kathie have a “Casita” or guest house it is a one bedroom house… it is not completely furnished but it has a bed in the bedroom and a sectional couch which has a pull out in it, refrigerator, stove, microwave, coffee maker, etc… wait a minute this place is furnished… ANYWAY… Stu is going to sleep on the couch and Gary and I are going to have the bed….right! WRONG! Gary put Stu to bed, he got him undressed and put him on the pull out couch… when we went down to the guest house it was dark I said Gary didn’t you leave a light on for Stu what if he had to get up he could have fell and hurt himself. SO we walk in look around… the couch is empty… we walk in a little further… look around turn on the bathroom lights and look back towards the bedroom and there is Stu stretched out in the bed spread eagle in his tighty whiteys. Trust me it was not a pretty sight… Gary starts to roust Stu out of the bed… I said Gary just leave him there if you get him up and put him back on the couch where do you think he is going to end up if he gets up again during the night? Do YOU want him crawling in bed with you… we get undressed and settle down on the sofa bed… I wake up because I hear someone walking around, pacing… I slowly open my eyes and there is Stu walking back and forth in a daze… I nudge Gary and Gary rolls over and starts snoring… I say in a whispered LOUD voice GARY! Gary says what… I say look at Stu he is lost… help him back to bed. Gary being Gary he is so helpful… he yells “STU GO BACK TO BED!” I said Gary get up and help him, at this point Stu is back to mumbling “I don’t know where I am…” when Gary yelled at him Stu said, “I am trying dad but I don’t know where I am…” I said Gary get the hell up and help him… so Gary gets up and leads him back to the bed… this same thing happens at least three count them 3 more times throughout the night/morning…. The only difference is during one of the times that Stu got up he tried to walk out of the window… the guest house has this floor to ceiling window and its not covered and Stu kept trying to walk out of it… needless to say I didn’t get much sleep that night… the next morning I wake up and hear quiet, nothing, so I figure Stu is passed out and now would be a good time to make a run for the bathroom… WRONG ANSWER RICHARD WE WON’T PLAY… well when I came out of the bathroom guess who was bending over in their tighty whiteys digging through their suit case? Guess whose tighty whiteys aren’t really tight? STU! I think I went blind for a minute… I regain my sight and I run and jumped on the bed with Gary and I try to put the sight I had just seen out of my mind… but then Stu stands at the foot of the bed apologizing for his behavior and remarks how embarrassed he is about the whole thing… and that we should have the bed tonight (Saturday night)… I am looking up at the ceiling, cause I can’t very well look at him because he has no clothes on! And I say don’t worry about it Stu you are fine you can have the bed and there is no need to be embarrassed you just had a little too much fun… it’s okay… Stu gets dressed and goes up to the big house… Gary and Tom give Stu a ration of crap that is just really unnecessary considering Tom is a horn dog when intoxicated and Gary never gets the “tell them that story honey” syndrome where he wants YOU to tell every story you know about anything… I know Gary if you do something once in front of him, like get drunk and tell off his family, he will remind you of it every chance he gets… They had already started on Stu the night before so I knew Stu was in for it… so when I got dressed I went up to the house and everybody was sitting out on the deck eating breakfast and as soon as Stu sees me he drops his head and won’t look at me because he is so embarrassed… I go over to him and give him a hug and I say don’t you worry about it Stu YOU WERE GOOD last night!

That pretty much ended the teasing of Stu… Kathie’s sister Ann said well damn maybe I should have slept in the guest house…. I said yeah you missed out… we had our breakfast and went on with the day… Gary and I went to Grandpa George’s grave site for a visit and Tom and Stu went golfing… Kathie and Ann went to clean out their mom’s house… that night Tom, Stu and Gary went to their reunion dinner… Kathie, Ann and I went to dinner and when we got back to the house the guys were able to con two women from their class into following them home… They are all sitting around the table laughing and talking and they immediately start trying to be macho… “now honey don’t get mad these are just two girls who wouldn’t date us in high school they are the only two we could get to follow us home… but we’re just friends” I said that is fine Gary I am not worried about it… BUT you might want to zip your pants before your tadpole jumps out and frightens someone!! Oh I am sorry did I say tadpole I meant to say before you unleash the lizard and hurt someone!!!!! GET REAL! Gary never zips his pants, I can never figure out how he forgets to do that... I just hope he wasn’t walking around the dinner like that… talk about embarrassing… apparently nobody noticed until I pointed it out then both ladies looked…. SAD!!!!! They had given all the attendees a name tag with LARGE print on it and a picture of what they looked like in high school. Gary didn’t graduate with this class but he went to school with them until his senior year when they moved to Scottsdale… so he didn’t have a picture… Tom was handsome in his day and Stu…OMG! I know you all know who Christina Ricci is… well now you know what Stu looks like! Big eyes… huge forehead… seriously put some dark hair on this man and you have that girl… well at least back in his high school years… Stu was a golf pro at least in his college years and he played in high school along with Tom and Gary….Tom inherited the family car dealership… rich kids with nothing better to do but chase women and be obnoxious!!!!!!!!!! Gary says he wasn’t rich he just hung out with the rich kids… They sit and talk about their kids and their lives and I am sitting there wondering WHAT THE %$**! … Tom lets out a barrage of profanities as he twirls around the room… I just sit and stare and wonder will I be this goofy when I am there age?

I don’t want to be goofy I want to be smooth…. Anyway….

The girls left and we sat and talked for a while… apparently Kathie, Ann and I had more fun at our dinner than they did at theirs…they just don’t have the charm they had back in the day and of course being stumbling drunks didn’t help spark any magic… we went to bed around 1 or 2 that morning and the next day, Sunday, we get up and apparently Stu either took my joke seriously that he was good or he was just comfortable with his body because he had no qualms about standing in front of me talking to me with just his underwear on… I was thinking SERIOUSLY! Put some clothes on!! That is just wrong! Your tighty whiteys aren’t even tight… and you need some color… HELP ME!

We left Oregon… and bid a fond farewell to our hospitable host, hostess and Stu and moved onto Nevada… but that is another story…

See ya when I see ya!

Peace! Mattie