This is another story that I have previously bombarded my email friends with....it is kind of long but hopefully you will find it worth the read! It was an email sent over three days or three different emails... I had to skip the first one otherwise it might cause a family dispute....BUT here is the second email...I send the third tomorrow!
Okay where was I???? Oh yeah we drove from Williams, AZ to Williams CA in one day….
SO we get up in Williams, CA and I had brought the infamous “Hook ‘em Horns” shirt figuring hey I am NORTHERN CALIFORNIA on my way to OREGON who will care about the Texas longhorns up there…WELL apparently it doesn’t matter where you go there is going to be a Texas fan somewhere…we go downstairs for breakfast because the hotel that we are at serves breakfast and as I am getting myself some juice and coffee this man is staring at my chest… SO I figure he is trying to figure out if that is a bug or something else on my chest because I have that guardian angel pin that I wear… WRONG! “Are you from Texas? Or did you go to school there?” I say I have relatives in Texas… “OH my daughter is going to school there that is a great school!” I am thinking who cares… but I just smile… SO Gary has some idle chit chat with this man about where we are going and how bad the smoke is going through the Mt. Shasta area…. I am thinking… can we GO NOW! SO we FINALLY leave… I ask Gary about going to see the Red Woods, he says they are WAY over on the coast and out of the way…I said okay… and I go back to reading my book… as we are driving through this national forest area Gary says, “HEY there is one! Look at that tree!” Did I mention we were in a national forest so “Hey look at that tree” is not doing ANYTHING for me since there are a gazillion trees on either side of the road…. SERIOUSLY! I said Gary what tree? He said that one see how the bark is different than the others… WHAT ONE! We are driving through a tundra of trees and winding roads and my thought now is why are you looking at the trees and not the road… the road we are on is like going down the switch backs to Sedona BUT on this road there are also inlets and outlets for people coming onto and getting off the road… don’t you think it would behoove you to just look at the road?! Maybe it’s just me… Gary says it’s not good to just look at the road you should look around otherwise you could get road blur or blindness or something… get the hell out of here and watch the road!
We finally get to Oregon THANK GOD and it is noon so Gary says it is too early to go to his friend’s house where we will be staying so we go to Crater Lake (http://www.nps.gov/crla/)... it is a national park so just like the Grand Canyon you have to pay to get in… well as we pull up to the pay area I am sitting in the PASSENGER seat and I hear the Park Ranger say, “I like that shirt you have on. I went to school there, did you…” Are you kidding me? I am in the passenger seat minding my own business and you are telling me that you can see these freakin’ hook’em horns all the way over here from your little booth all the way over there? SERIOUSLY… anyway I put the website there so you guys can check it out I can’t explain how blue this water was and how cool this place was… the water is from the run off from the snow and there is no other water coming into it and although they do have a “small” seepage problem there is no outlet for the water it is mainly from evaporation. You gotta see this place…. ANYWAY… as we are leaving I go to throw some trash in the garbage can and wouldn’t you know it there is a lady next to the can and what does she say…”That is a nice T-Shirt!” KILL ME NOW!
We get to Gary’s friend’s house and Gary and Tom sit up and chit chat for awhile, Tom tells Gary that Stu is coming and that he believes Stu is messed up in the head and just plain crazy… all Stu talks about is the problems with his house and how this has been dragging on for the last 4 years… a little more chit chat and then it’s time to go to bed… we found out when we got there that Tom’s wife’s mother passed away a few days before we got there and that his wife was on her way back from the funeral services and that is why she wasn’t there to meet us when we got there… SAD! The next day is Friday and another of Gary and Tom’s friends arrive “Stu” they call him eyeballs… I asked why and Gary said you will see when you see him… Stu has very pronounced eyeballs… I guess “eyeballs” is better than being called bug eyed or something like that… actually no its not! Who would think to call someone eyeballs???? Stu gets in about 11:30’ish and Gary says, “I guess it’s too early for a beer huh Stu?” Stu replies not really I had one on the plane. Who drinks at 9 in the morning? Stu flew in from Vegas it is at least a 2.5 hour flight… SO they start drinking… Friday is the first day of their reunion the class is going on a river trip… Gary and I go on the boat trip and Tom and Stu go golfing… they (Tom and Stu) drink more… We went on a river trip down the Rogue River through “Hellsgate” a pass on the river (http://www.hellgate.com/Splash/)... Insane! As we go down the river the tour guide says “those of you sitting on the outside of the boat will be WET when this trip is over…those of you in the front will be WET when this trip is over and those of you in the back it may take a while but you will get yours too… now when I say hold on I want you guys in the front to grab onto the bar sticking out in front of you with one hand and grab the back of the seat with your other hand, if you don’t do this when I say hold on you will bang around this boat like unsecured luggage on a bumpy flight… throughout this ride down the river, I will show you wild life, I will point out points of interest and I will spin this boat 360 at any given time!” I am saying to myself now why would you want to do that this is a perfectly good boat it is going along quite well no problems so why…oh WHY would you want to throw it into a spin for no apparent reason… we went down the river at a high rate of speed (55 mph) spun, bumped, banged and sometimes it felt like we were airborne…guess who was on the outside? YUP! ME! And believe it or not I didn’t use a life jacket… STUPID HUH?! Especially since I can’t swim!!!!!!! When we got back to Tom’s house I had to change my clothes including my underwear! We took the dinner cruise or ride and as we sat at the table for dinner people were pointing at me and whispering…it is SO much fun to be a "fly" in the buttermilk and not only a fly but the youngest in a group of OLD people… Just when I had finally settled down from the ride down and psyched myself up for the ride back up the river these women cover to the table where Gary and I are sitting and they proceed to hug Gary and then get up close and personal with me… I mean if they were any closer in my face we could have rubbed noses… which would have been scary because you know how I like my space… not to mention the fact that I had just ate a salad and ate all the onions off the salad so my breath was not the freshest! BUT did that deter these determined women who wanted to get a GOOD look at the woman Gary married…NO!!! Bad breath and all they were in my face, “SSSSOOOO where did you guys meet? How long have you been married? When did you get here? Are you coming to the dinner tomorrow, etc. etc. etc.”… These questions were merely diversions to the real reason they were there… I don’t think my doctor has ever looked me over closer than these bitties did! When they left Gary said he always had more girls for friends in school than he did boys he just got along better with the girls… I have a picture of Gary and his harem I will send it to you all later… this one voluptuous lady said she was Gary’s girlfriend in the 7th grade… Gary denied it but in the picture you will see she is the one right next to Gary with her arms around him smiling… the majority of these people have been classmates since kindergarten…can you imagine!
When we got back to Tom’s house we find that Tom and everyone are across the street at a party for the CEO for Harry and David’ you know the pear people… after a while Tom comes in and he is about 10 sheets to the wind… later on his wife comes in and she has Stu by the hand Stu is walking very awkwardly and he is mumbling “I don’t know where I am as he staggers across the floor…” Stu says this several times and finally Tom says, “SIT DOWN YOU DRUNK MOTHER&*$%^@! We know you don’t know where you are just sit down and SHUT the $%&* up!” OMG! I almost shot beer across the room through my nose! I wasn’t expecting that to come out of Tom’s mouth…Remember these are old people they should all be sitting down and shutting up! BUT since it is there reunion… I just sat back and watched the stupidity unfold!
I’ll tell you the rest tomorrow ‘cause believe me it gets better!
See ya when I see ya!
Peace! Mattie
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