What Is That Smell??????!!!!!!

HELLO PEOPLE!!! How the heck are you? I hope this writing finds you well and in good health! I was taking my sister and my niece to my mom's house so they could catch the bus, and I just tucked my night shirt into a pair of fleece sweat pants threw on some oversize Ugg boots and my coat! I didn't even stop to take the 'wave' cap off my head or wash my face and my mouth guard is still in so you know MORNING breath is killer about now! After the obligatory get in the car request that lasts about 5 minutes or 15 sayings, whichever comes first, they get in the car and we are off! I remember my mom telling me stories about going to the grocery store she would say, "I just ran around there to the store I tucked my nightgown into my pants and threw my coat on over it". As the story would go on at some point she would say that noticed people looking at her and they would stare for a minute then continue on, finally she would try to figure out what they were looking at and she would look down and see that her gown had made its way down below her pant leg and was hanging out...or her coat was up in the back cause she didn't tuck her gown in right so the coat got hung up on the BULGE in the back...the best one of all would be when she would say her wig was on crooked or backwards....and my all time favorite is when she would say the STRAP from the wig was hanging down and she didn't notice it, but then she felt something on her face! Aaaaaahhhh yeah that is about the time I would say YOU DIDN'T TELL ANYBODY YOU'RE MY MOM DID YOU????!!!!!! (Panic would have kicked up a notch by then, it had already started when she said "I went to the store...") She would laugh and say, "Naw I didn't see anybody I know, but nobody can laugh harder at me, than me so while them folks were pointing and laughing so was I." I would usually say DAMN! right about this time... This morning when I got to my mom's house I took the kids in and caught a glimpse of myself in the hall mirror. I reflected on the hard time I had given my mom about going out in public looking like that with the multicolors and backwards wig, etc., and I thought "I AM MY MOTHER!" Look at what I am wearing... after my niece gets on the bus and I chit chat a little with my mom and sit my sister down with her snack. I say okay I have to go get ready for work and I go back out to the car and get in, I take a deep 'cleansing' breath in to relax myself...then I realize that one of those little shits FARTED OR SHIT their pants on the way out of the car! With the windows being up because it is only 29 degrees the smell has had time to fester and get ANGRY! The car is running and the heat is on so now I am fighting for my life to find the window release...as a tear runs down my face and I attempt to find some form of FRESH air I think...sometimes I feel sad that I don't have children of my own, after I am gone there will be no one left with a little piece of my attitude, my outlook on life, my sense of humor...then as I notice the tint peeling off the window and the feeling of faintness coming over me from holding my breath, I remember aaaahhhhh yeah this is why I don't have children. FREAKIN' A MAN WHAT IS THAT SMELL???? What have they been eating and SERIOUSLY who farts on their way out of the car...why couldn't they wait until they were out and do that....DAMN! I hope you have a day filled with the smell of roses...trust me it has to be better than that stench in my car!!! See ya when I see ya! Peace! Mattie