So today my friend Scott passed away, and I am sad. I talked about him a while ago and he finally succumbed to the cancer that was eating him alive. He fought a good fight lasted longer than anyone should have with Pancreatic Cancer. Even until the end they were saying he is going to pass today and much to their surprise the next day he would still be here. The Doctors talked a lot about Scott being the model patient, never complaining or saying a mumbling word about his situation or of the ultimate end result of his disease. I wish I could say the same. Just for me dealing with 'normal' pain I can be unpleasant to be around. I can get a headache and snap someone's head off just for saying HI!
I met Scott through his sister, Stacey, and even though I say he is my friend sadly I can't really say I knew Scott but I loved him just the same. Scott kept to himself and every time I would go over to his mother's house for dinner or to visit Scott and I never talked. But I found that Scott and I had a quiet bond. When I say quiet bond, that is to say that Scott and I sat quietly while his sisters, mom and sometimes his stepfather would loudly discuss things or yell at each other. They are Italian so I gathered that was just the way they 'rolled'. I met Stacey when I was 18 or 19, she is a year younger than me and 2 years older than Scott. So I've known Scott since he was 16 or 17, which means I have known him 27 years, might as well say his whole life. In that time we didn't really have any deep conversations or discuss politics, religion or life, we simply acknowledge each other when we were in proximity to do so and lived our separate lives. Now Scott's life is over and I sit thinking of all the things I should have said, things we could have done and the promise I made and didn't keep. I am sorry Scott I never came down to go to the movies with you or send you the pack of movies tickets no excuses just an apology, I am truly sorry.
When it comes to the end of your life or someone you care about there should be no 'I am sorry' to be said. There should only be memories of all the things you shared, the fun you had, the love you expressed and the I love yous that you said to one another. I did get the opportunity to tell Scott that I loved him the last time I saw, and for those of you that know me you know that was a feat in itself(not real big on mushiness). My parents didn't tell us when we were growing up that they loved us there were no 'I love you, have a nice day' being said. But we all know that everything we do is LEARNED and you are going to do to others what has been done to you. I don't know if I love you is something that my parents heard from their parents, but I bet the behavior was learned. I don't have any children (thank you God) but the cycle at some point needs to be broken.
I have learned a lot from Scott and his family, just tidbits here and there but they are things I needed to learn. People come into our lives for many reasons and hopefully we learn what those reasons are before they gone. I think what I learned from Scott is that despite your circumstances you should be humble and if you don't have anything good to say you shouldn't say anything at all. I learned from Scott's family, some dinner etiquette and to say I love you. The first dinner I went to at mom's (Momma Louise) house we were all sitting around the table with the spaghetti and sauce on the table, salad and bread, etc. We said grace and then sat there...finally Stacey said I am hungry can we eat, and mom said well we will as soon as Mattie takes her food and passes the rest. At my house when we were growing up my mom fixed our plates and gave them to us, then as we got older we fixed our own plates and ate in front of the TV. On the holidays even when we were old my mom fixed our plates, so taking some food and passing it around was new to me. Stacey and Scott's mom always said I love to me when I would leave even though I never said it back. I think the first time she said it I just sat in the car thinking...she loves me? Now when I talk to mom and she says I love you I say it back no hesitation at all. Before I think I said thank you. Important lessons learned from my Italian family.
Now that I have learned these lessons it's time to break the cycle....so let me say to you whoever you are reading this message....I LOVE YOU! And if you come to my house for dinner, I hate to say it but, everybody who comes to my house for dinner the first time I will fix your plate. After that you are considered family and from then on the plates are in the cabinets help yourself!!!
I am sad that you are gone Scott but I am glad you are no longer in pain, I hope you are at peace!
See ya when I see ya
Peace! Mattie
3 weeks ago
